Professional Engineers Don't Need Playground Management

The Day I Said "No"

I once had a scrum master suggest we all build Legos as a team-building exercise. At the time, I was leading the team and staring down a brutal delivery timeline. I’d been a software engineer for over a decade, a Marine with two combat deployments before that, and a father of four. I just couldn’t stay quiet anymore.

We’d already done a team gaming session, something I tolerated even though I stopped playing video games when my first kid was born. I understand breaking routine with an escape room or axe throwing, but Legos? That was my final straw.

Infantilization vs. Professionalism

Building Legos felt infantilizing because, quite frankly, it was. It struck me as a power move: turning seasoned engineers into preschoolers under the guise of "team bonding." Many devs had become conditioned to politely accept these suggestions, but I felt compelled to push back.

Not because I’m against play, but because I’m against patronizing adults.

For the record, I do play with Legos, with my kids. Because they’re children. But asking experienced professionals to shift from solving complex system architectures to assembling plastic castles in the name of morale? That’s not leadership; that’s theater.

Saying "No" Can Build Real Trust

We didn’t end up building Legos. Instead, we shipped the product on time, meeting our demanding timeline. I’ve stood by that call ever since because trust isn’t built through forced, childish activities. It’s built by treating professionals with genuine respect.

It’s crucial to say this clearly: treating adult professionals like children doesn’t build trust; it breaks it.

Professional Boundaries and Expectations

In my teams, I explicitly tell developers not to work evenings or weekends because unrealistic expectations set unhealthy precedents and they aren't able to accurately determine their own velocity if they keep buffering it with non work time all the time. I don’t micromanage their estimates, I care deeply about honesty and achievable goals.

I’ve seen toxic workplace cultures firsthand, and often, it starts with wasting people’s time under the banner of misguided "team-building." All most professionals want is to be treated as such, professionals. We’re not a family. We’re more like a sports team, and I expect my team to go home and genuinely spend time with their own families when done.

Collaboration Means Saying No, Too

I’m always open to being proven wrong about processes or approaches. Collaboration isn’t just about saying yes, it’s also about saying no to the wrong things, even when they’re trendy or popular.

Pushing back isn’t about being difficult; it’s about maintaining professional dignity and creating a healthy, effective work culture.

Respect Builds Real Teams

Let’s remember: real team-building respects individual autonomy and treats adults like the seasoned, capable professionals they are. Rejecting infantilizing activities isn’t resistance, it’s leadership. And it’s long past time we said this openly.